Seeing as my retirement pension pot means that i will be living on tins of beans and whatever i can find behind the fridge when i stop work, i have two options.
A) Plan for retirement by paying into a reliable pension scheme with a decent return or B) inventi a perpetual motion machine and sell it for gazillions.
While i have been relying on B, there are other ways that i can fund my twilight years of resting on a beach in Eastbourne moaning about how the youth of today are uglier than in my day.
The first is to claim the £25 million on offer from The Virgin Earth Challenge and all i have to do is come up with a way of scrubbing greenhouse gases out of the Earth’s atmosphere to avoid global warming.
The second is the Google Lunar X Challenge which pays out £30 million for anyone who can land a robot on the surface of the Moon, move it 500 meters over the lunar surface and send images and data back to the Earth.
The perpetual motion machine is easy, a circle of powerful magnets set against a case of equally powerful magnets repelling each other will spin for infinity so all i have to do is get a carpenter to knock up a cabinet and a wheel lined with opposite facing magnets and that's my retirement sorted.
The scrubbing of Greenhouses Gases is a work in progress but involves creating artificial or genetically modified trees that can suck up more Co2 than 'normal trees'. Failing that putting massive domes over the USA and China will work.
The Google Lunar challenge is more tricky and involves stealing the blueprints for the Mars rover, slapping a Moon Rover sticker over the name and firing it towards the moon.
That's me sorted then and i can retire with a full bank balance and a pair of very dark sunglasses so i don't have to see the ridiculously ugly teenagers that will be cluttering up the place in 20 years time.
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