Sunday 20 February 2011

Britain - Over There Somewhere

Prince Andrew, the Grand Old Duke of York, said in that infamous cable that 'The Americans don't understand geography' while Sarah Palin has got North Korea confused with South Korea, called Africa a country and thought she could see Russia from her Alaskan home. Even American Ambrose Bierce said "War is God's way of teaching Americans geography" and he died in the early 20th Century before Americans were taught a lot more geography.
As we have invited your President Barack Obama over to our green and pleasant land to stay with the Queen in May on a State Visit, and as you haven't had a war against us in your lifetime, find a map showing Great Britain just in case you are wondering where your President is in May. Confusingly we are also called the United Kingdom, Britain, GB, UK or just England which amusingly annoys the hell out of the other 3 countries in Great Britain.
Quite a lot of you Americans hail from one of the countries of Great Britain and a simple test should prove what part is in your DNA. If you are drinking tea while reading this, your ancestry is English.
If you are drinking a spirit, you hail from Scotland and if you are drinking lager then your grandparents were Irish. If you are stroking a sheep then your relatives moved over from the valleys.
The last time your President came over we lined the streets to greet him. Greeted him with eggs and banners decrying him as a war criminal i grant you, but it was a good turn out nonetheless. I do expect your present ruler to be treated better, we wouldn't have trusted the last one with a knife and fork so he is in safe hands while over here being entertained by The Queen and Prince Philip. Well the Queen anyway, Prince Phillip has a bit of a history with non-white non-British people.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

lucy,

yeah you should trust o a lot more than w because he has reversed everything w did... ooops, actually he has continued all of w's plans and has expanded afgan into pakistan...

are you blind to what you wrote in this post?

are you telling me that if i say far left things like "we should eliminate all guns" and "we should hug all trees" that i can then go and do anything i want and you won't notice?

by the way while in london, do you think yawl will take o to do some skiing, i mean, you know, since yawl have the alps and all. hey, you could also scuba off the great barrier reef - its in the north sea you know...

if david g still haunted us i would remind everybody that we must know geography because we have bases and forts in every country.

do you really want me to start quoting the stupid statements and out right lies from the lefties like obamba, pelosi, barney frank, chris dodd, etc. i'll grant you it is harder to find their stupid statements because the alleged unbiased american press write like you and seem to miss all gawfs of the foolish, arrogant, lying politicians that they vote for and only see the errors of those they dislike.

of course, it is your blog and you can be as fair as you like...

q

Cheezy said...

As Lucy's post was obviously written with comedic intent, Q, I think you're obliged to respond with some of those 'zingers' to which you are alluding... the ones uttered by your favourite lefty American politicians... otherwise I feel like you're just teasing me, and there's a big goldmine of hilarity being denied to me by that goshdarn 'liberal media'.

I warn you though - they're going to have be good to compete with routines by the likes of SP ("refudiate", "we've got to stand with our North Korean allies", "magazines? I read all of 'em and any of 'em", "death panels") and GWB ("misunderestimated", "You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror", "human beings and fish can coexist peacefully", "you're working hard to put food on your family", "I don't care where Bin Laden is" etc, etc.)

These legends of comedy have set the bar pretty high.

I believe Biden is a promising new star though. C'mon, what's he got?

Cheezy said...

Actually, here they are here...

Not too bad, some of them (e.g. I like 'website number'), though I confess that my sides remain resolutely unsplit.

Lucy said...

Q, you did get the 'tounge in cheek' theme of the post right? Maybe it just wasn't very amusing and i can accept that, it sounded funnier in my head. I really should start using smilies.

Nog said...

The United States is pretty big. Some people have a hard-enough time keeping track of Idaho and New Hampshire. Old Hampshire is just too much.

Lucy said...

I do wonder sometimes just how much the new places in America (Hampshire, York, Jersey) are like the old places.

Anonymous said...

Cheezy,

it was really hard to find stupid remarks from the left... they must be real smart... how about these:
Barack Obama: "I've now been in 57 states? I think one left to go?"

Barack Obama on a tornado that killed twelve people: "In case you missed it, this week, there was a tragedy in Kansas. Ten thousand people died - an entire town destroyed"

Bill Clinton on ordinary Americans: "African Americans watch the same news at night that ordinary Americans do."

Bill Clinton: "I have never had sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky. I've never had an affair with her."

Bill Clinton: "It all depends on what the meaning of the word ‘is' is."

Howard Dean: "We know that no one person can succeed unless everybody else succeeds."

Al Gore: "During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet."

Nancy Pelosi on the economy: "every month that we do not have an economic recovery package 500 million Americans lose their jobs."

Nancy Pelosi on legislation: "But we have to pass the bill so that you can find out what is in it."

Helen Thomas: Jews should "get the hell out of Palestine" and "go home" to Germany and Poland.

Joe Biden on the economy: "The number one job facing the middle class, and it happens to be, as Barack says, a three-letter word: jobs. J-O-B-S."

Joe Biden on History: "When the stock market crashed, Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and didn't just talk about the, you know, the princes of greed. He said, 'Look, here's what happened."

Joe Biden, on the mother of Irish Prime Minister Brian Cowen, who is, in fact, still alive: "His mom lived in Long Island for ten years or so. God rest her soul. And- although, she's- wait- your mom's still- your mom's still alive. Your dad passed. God bless her soul."

Jerry Brown governor of California: "The conventional viewpoint says we need a jobs program and we need to cut welfare. Just the opposite! We need more welfare and fewer jobs."

Al Gore on zoology: "A zebra does not change its spots."

John Kerry on health care: "I'm going to be honest with you - I don't know a lot about Cuba's healthcare system. Is it a government-run system?"

Senator Harry Reid on Barack Obama: "...light-skinned," and with "no negro dialect."

Janet Napolitano after a man attempted to blow up a commercial airplane with a bomb in his panties: "The system worked."

q

Anonymous said...

lucy,

appologies for over reacting.

q

Cheezy said...

Nice ones! Cheers Q.

What I don't get is why people still go see Adam Sandler films, when there are genuine comedy greats like this on your news channels.

Lucy said...

No problems q, i didn't give it a second thought. I did enjoy your fauz pas list though, the Joe Biden to Brian Cowen especially made me smile. A real ground open up please moment.